The positive effects of the unexpected check-in

Something I have been intentional over the last year is reaching out to people when I think of them. I commute a lot for work and when not belting out an early 2000s alt-rock tune or learning something new from a podcast, I’m calling people. Just last week Facebook told me it was an old high school buddy’s birthday. Instead of clicking the auto-generated “Smile: it’s your birthday!” wall post slop, I searched his name in my contacts and clicked the call button.

It was really hard! My finger had hovered over the call button. “What if I’m bothering them?”… “What if they’re not there?”… “Maybe I should call them later?”… “It’s been years! Maybe they don’t want to hear from me.” My brain started freaking out thinking of all of the social consequences. I started to over analyze and get anxious.

Shut up brain. I pushed the little phone icon before I could fully psych myself out…. And it went great! He said that I had made his day. It was amazing to reconnect, like it had just been yesterday since we talked.

You can send a text or a funny meme and give the receiver a small lift but research shows calling or video calling is far superior for connection SOURCE . Our voices convey emotions in ways texting cannot, fostering deeper intimacy. Hearing a familiar voice lowers stress and triggers oxytocin release (tend-and-befriend hormone) that builds social attachment, warmth, and trust.

This practice also will make you better at doing hard things, which is an incredible skill to have (Adaptability). You’ll gain confidence in interpersonal interactions across the board, from the office to out in public, even dating!

Some people will even play “Friendship Roulette“, where you scroll your contacts with your eyes closed and who your finger lands on, you reach out to.
“Hey! I had a few minutes so I thought I would reach out. How have you been?”
“I usually make a call on my drive home. You’re it today.”
“I was just thinking of you and I thought I would reach out.”

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be stressful. It’s better if you don’t think about it, and just take action before you chicken out. It’s almost guaranteed to brighten someone’s day… including yours.