Adaptability

  • The positive effects of the unexpected check-in

    Adaptability, Communication

    Something I have been intentional over the last year is reaching out to people when I think of them. I commute a lot for work and when not belting out an early 2000s alt-rock tune or learning something new from a podcast, I’m calling people. Just last week Facebook told me it was an old high school buddy’s birthday. Instead of clicking the auto-generated “Smile: it’s your birthday!” wall post slop, I searched his name in my contacts and clicked the call button.

    It was really hard! My finger had hovered over the call button. “What if I’m bothering them?”… “What if they’re not there?”… “Maybe I should call them later?”… “It’s been years! Maybe they don’t want to hear from me.” My brain started freaking out thinking of all of the social consequences. I started to over analyze and get anxious.

    Shut up brain. I pushed the little phone icon before I could fully psych myself out…. And it went great! He said that I had made his day. It was amazing to reconnect, like it had just been yesterday since we talked.

    You can send a text or a funny meme and give the receiver a small lift but research shows calling or video calling is far superior for connection SOURCE . Our voices convey emotions in ways texting cannot, fostering deeper intimacy. Hearing a familiar voice lowers stress and triggers oxytocin release (tend-and-befriend hormone) that builds social attachment, warmth, and trust.

    This practice also will make you better at doing hard things, which is an incredible skill to have (Adaptability). You’ll gain confidence in interpersonal interactions across the board, from the office to out in public, even dating!

    Some people will even play “Friendship Roulette“, where you scroll your contacts with your eyes closed and who your finger lands on, you reach out to.
    “Hey! I had a few minutes so I thought I would reach out. How have you been?”
    “I usually make a call on my drive home. You’re it today.”
    “I was just thinking of you and I thought I would reach out.”

    It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be stressful. It’s better if you don’t think about it, and just take action before you chicken out. It’s almost guaranteed to brighten someone’s day… including yours.

  • Inversion thinking can help us find solutions to our problems

    Adaptability, Creativity Innovation, jNotes

    Our brains are really good at coming up with problems and not so good at coming up with solutions. We detect problems more readily than generate solutions due to an evolutionary survival mechanism called the negativity bias. For our ancestors, missing a clump of berries sucked. Missing a predator was fatal.

    If you walk into a room filled with 15 adorable puppies and one pissed off cobra, you focus on the cobra (Martha Beck). Negative information triggers stronger and faster brain responses than positive or neutral information. If my daughter is late, my brain doesn’t think, “She lost track of time”. It screams, “She’s lying in a ditch!”

    Understanding the negativity bias can be really helpful when working on your mental health or when interacting with others. Hacking the negativity bias can become an efficient problem-solver.

    Finding solutions requires more energy than identifying problems because our brains default to quick, easy responses. We often grab the first, easiest fix just to make the anxiety of uncertainty stop.

    Your brain is naturally wired to look for problems. Stop fighting it, use it. Flip the thinking.

    Inversion thinking involves approaching problems backwards. Focus on what you want to avoid rather than what you want to achieve. Instead of asking “How can I succeed?”, you ask “What would guarantee failure?” and then work to prevent those outcomes.

    The Inversion Process:

    1. Define your goal.
    2. Ask how you could ruin it. Identify the specific factors that would guarantee failure.
    3. Avoid those factors or take the opposite action.

    From a mental health standpoint, how would you guarantee someone becomes miserable? You would tell them to stop moving their body, stay inside, isolate themselves from friends, and eat garbage food. So, how do you get healthy? Invert it. Go outside, move your body, see your friends, and eat real food (James Clear).

  • Obstacles don’t block the path, they are the path

    Adaptability, jNotes

    Life is filled with annoying things, annoying people, and annoying responsibilities. There’s too much to do, not enough time to do it, and at every step; an obstacle. Our default is frustration. We get mad at these obstacles. We blame them for keeping us from our goals. “Why do I get all the obstacles when that other guy gets it so easy?”

    “Obstacles don’t block the path, they are the path.“
    – Zen Proverb

    Maybe we should recognize that these obstacles are unavoidable features of life. Through them we change and grow. Maybe we can see them for what they truly are; opportunities.

    The times we learn are the times when we struggle. If we choose to view obstacles as puzzles, challenges or simply as more experiences that we pass along our way, we might just relieve the pain we think they cause.

    “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
    – Marcus Aurelius

    Obstacles aren’t bugs, they’re features.

  • Burn the ships

    Adaptability, jNotes

    The story goes that in 1519, Hernán Cortés arrived on the coast of what is now Mexico with a small force of Spanish soldiers. They were about to face down the powerful Aztec Empire, vastly outnumbered and in completely unfamiliar territory.

    To prevent retreat, Cortés ordered his men to destroy their ships. The idea was simple; there was no turning back. The only path was forward; either conquer or die. “Burn the ships” means to eliminate any option of turning back, forcing full commitment to a course of action or choice.

    When faced with a big decision in life (career, relationships, investing) it’s natural to want a safety net. Having a backup plan feels like the smart move. The presence of a backup plan could be the very thing keeping us from being fully committed to a choice. We waffle, we procrastinate, we stall.

    Backup plans offer comfort, not clarity. They make the unknown feel manageable. That comfort often leads to delay, distraction, and diluted effort. When a Plan B exists, Plan A becomes optional. It’s easy to convince ourselves we’re making progress when really, we’re just going in circles.

    “Burning the ships” eliminates the easy way out. It forces action and focus. You can only go forward, so get going. It’s not about being reckless; it’s about commitment.

    If there’s something important you’ve been putting off, ask yourself: what would change if there were no way back? Maybe it’s time to burn the ships.