The 8 strategies
Select a strategy to read how it applies in support work.
1. Active listening
For many people, being fully listened to is the support. Paraphrase and reflect feelings ("It sounds like that's been really exhausting"), let silences breathe rather than rushing to fix, and listen for what matters to the person, not just the problem.
2. Finding commonality
Shared ground helps clients see you as a person, not just an authority. Listen for interests, places, routines or values you can genuinely connect with. Commonality should open the conversation, not turn it into a friendship or shift the focus onto you.
3. Open body language and eye contact
Sit at the same level, avoid standing over someone, and keep your posture relaxed and unhurried. Eye contact can feel confronting for people with trauma histories, autism, or from cultures where it signals disrespect. Watch the person's response and adjust; sitting side by side can feel safer.
4. Subtle mirroring
Match the person's pace, volume and energy so they feel comfortable, not overwhelmed. Never mirror distress or agitation. Stay calm as an anchor while acknowledging how they feel.
5. Using names and remembering details
Ask how people want to be addressed, and follow up on what they told you. Keep appropriate notes on appointments, important people and goals. Kept follow-through builds more trust than any technique.
6. Asking better questions
Use open, non-judgmental questions that invite people to tell their own story ("What would help most right now?"). Avoid "why" questions that can sound accusatory. Explain why you're asking, and let people decline to answer.
7. Appropriate vulnerability
In this role, vulnerability means being honest, admitting what you don't know and being open about your limits, not sharing your personal struggles. Self-disclosure should be rare, brief and for the client's benefit. Ask yourself: who does this serve?
8. Genuine curiosity and positivity
Clients quickly sense whether your interest is real. Be curious about their strengths, goals and resilience, not only their difficulties. Keep positivity grounded and respectful, never forced cheerfulness that dismisses real struggles.
Pitfalls to avoid
People in vulnerable situations often detect insincerity quickly. Aim to be genuinely present rather than performing empathy.
Eagerness to help can lead to advice-giving and filling silences. The client is the expert on their own life.
Obvious copying can feel mocking or manipulative, especially to someone already wary of professionals.
Culture, trauma, age, disability and personality shape how people connect. Adapt, and ask what works for them.
Becoming a friend or rescuer moves you out of your role and can leave the client without reliable support.
Broken promises damage trust faster than honest limits. Only commit to what you can deliver.
Taking on too much of someone else's distress reduces your ability to help. Plan how you will debrief and recharge.
My rapport profile
Rate yourself honestly on each skill. There are no right answers; this is a starting point for growth.